Recently i have been catching on with several church members that u have yet to talk to for a year or 2. something that came to my attention is that.. as much as i would love to cherish friendships, the fact is that not everyone cherishes friendships.
No offense to people out there, but.. i realize through my conversations with them that.. most of them dun go bother contacting old friends.
Of course you must be thinking of some of your friends that you have kept contacted with for years even though you are separated. but think about this, how close are you to that friend exactly? most people find it easy to KIT with close friends, another big group just waits for friends to approach them to KIT. these 2 groups are pretty much of a turn off for me. is that not segregation ? it seems to me that people love to classify their friends.
friends that are worth KIT with, and friends that will still remain as friends even if i dun contact him/her.
think about it, all it takes is a simple phone call, text message or email to find out how the person is doing. It is just that simple !! But time and again i have been hearing people say how much they miss their old friends or how much they hope to have back the closeness that they used to share with another close friend.
I find such thoughts to be childish and immature. because both views are based on feelings.
If you set aside maybe 1 hour per week to meet up with a friend to simply just talk and catch up with each other, imagine how many people you are actually able to KIT with ! in a year there are 52 weeks, every week 1 person will equal to meeting up with 52 people simply to KIT !! ok.. lets say this particular person is just very very busy, then fine, set aside your own time.
the message i want to bring across is that human relationships should not be confined by feelings and distance. some say that because they went different schools, different job fields etc etc. that's why contact was lost.
some other reasons people provide is that.. they just simply felt like they have drifted apart. Oh please, wake up your idea !! It is nothing more than a feeling !!
I'll tell you that it has happened to me loads of times !! but time and again i have to logically rethink my position. Are we really drifting apart, or is it simply the lack of communication that have caused this feeling to be aroused? When 2 person are constantly in contact, it is easy to be close friends, but when the 2 person are not communicating often, is it still possible then to maintain that lvl of friendship ??
I would have to say yes to that. Personally i find that friendship is not all about communication, sure it is how you start to build up your friendship, but ultimately, if you want to really be good friends, you have got to genuinely care for the person !! no doubt i find it difficult to maintain close friendships at times, but ultimately, time spent tgt does not equate to a close friendship. If friendship between 2 person is really close and true, both parties will still bother to find out about each other's lives cause they care so much ! you may have lost contact after 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, it doesn't matter !!! if you genuinely care, you will seek out ways to find that person and contact that person !! Do the person think of you every now and then ?? Do you want to know what is happening in the life of the other person ??
My close friends are now ShunJi, Leong, DingMing, Deslen, Zhenke, Desmond, WanTing and Christine. I consider them to be my close friends. They all are, friends that i share victory in my life with, friends that i am able to ask for encouragement when life goes on the low. out of the 6 the first 6 are my closest buddies !! even so, leong is the only one that i have really poured out my heart to. i have yet to open up myself to the rest of them yet.
people say that close friends know everything about each other. True to a certain extent, because people change, over the course of time, things change, people experience different things. we are all different as well, the 6 guys are soccer enthusiast, while i am not. sure i love to play sports, but just not soccer. WanTing doesn't even like sport to begin with. Christine is in JC and studying with almost all of her time. similarities for me and the guys is that we bother meeting up to talk about our lives and catch up with each other. For WanTing and me is probably encouragement, we ask each other for encouragement and prayers when things seem bleak. As for Christine, we talk rubbish with each other. Thing is, i dun really contact them very often, once a week having a presentation of our lives is not often. But i really treasure friendships, though this are my closest friends, i dun just communicate with them. other friends like my fellow primers, juniors in brigade and church friends. i contact them every once in a while, through messages mainly just to find out how they are doing. at first it was not easy for me, cause i get the impression that if they receive a message from me out of the blue, they might find it weird and think i am up to something.
But it gets smoother along the way, though i dun communicate with them much, at least there are still things to talk about. 1 thing i learn about conversations is to be genuine and you gotta share about your own life first. have to set the tempo you know ? when i start a conversation, i usually go with the stereotype "hi" and carry it on with a brief summary of how my day or week has been and start asking about how their week was. throw in a couple of jokes along the way really helps to keep the conversation going.
Close friends always have things to talk about:
though i dun just contact my close friends all the time, i do have topics to talk about with my friends as well, talk about life, our future, think about our past... all sorts ! really, a conversation really helps to build bonds. it really does not matter how long you 2 have not communicated, but if you are genuine and find out about the other party's life, a conversation will grow out of it. also, do note that the more you communicate, the closer 2 person get, though not always true, but it is the norm. dun get affected by the norm, instead grow up and find out how much that person and the memories you 2 have shared mean to you. if it is precious, then please make some time in your schedule to actually maintain the friendship, too many friendships nowadays are being broken for no good reason.
lack of communication is not an excuse for not talking with your ex bestfriend. neither is "feeling drifted apart". make plans to keep your friends if they even mean something to you :D
