regrets ~

last session of camp talks about regrets.

not something that is new to me, but rather it is something i have been working on.

What are the things you have done yesterday that caused you to regret today ?

what are you going to do today that you aren't gonna regret tomorrow ?

Thinking back, I have lots of regrets. Sometime back, i re surrendered my life back to God, talling Him that I want to live life to the fullest, living life His way.

I worked hard to prevent myself from regretting my actions. Mistakes or victories, i thank God for them.

Made a mistake, learnt from it, move on.

I am sick and tired of telling myself of the many things that i regret, I made efforts to prevent those things from happening in the future. went out of my way to serve others, looked out to the needs of others, made efforts to maintain relationships with people. made myself uncomfortable attempting to add to the life of others, building people up .

Dun be upset over past failures, but thank God that it happened, for without it, you would not know what failure is. Without it, you would not know what it means to lose something precious, be it a memory or a person or an object or even a relationship. Learn from them.

My encouragement to all is for you to constantly work on the things that you dun want to regret, things that you cherish.

If you cherish human relations, make efforts to patch up bad relationships.

If you cherish your memories, make efforts to not repeat them again.

If you cherish God, hold on fast to Him and never let go.

If you cherish your ministry, always seek to serve better.

If you cherish souls, never stop fishing for them.

Whatever it is that you cherish, protect them today, the dateline of their lives is not when Jesus returns, but it is when they fade from earth. I have no idea when it will be game over, but for every minute that I'm in the game, I'm gonna make the best out of it.

What about you ?

laptop broke down ! in the middle of assignment submission week, haha

but all is well for now, hehe, my week started with the break down of my laptop. but all is good now, managed to somehow get things all back on track :D

oh yea, i just realised yesterday that desperation band's songs are able to be played on guitar in G family, haha. i know all songs can be played in G, but thing is, ultimate-guitar dun provide the chords, haha. but for desperation band, i managed to find most of their songs in G. thus, for the past 2 days, i have been practicing Counting on God, haha

:D

super pissed off cause i cant find the peer evaluation form and the plagiarism declaration form even after searching in mel for the past 2 hours.

Sacrifice

What is sacrifice ? for the past 1 to 2 months, i have been learning about sacrifice. All that is written here will be based on my opinions and do correct me if what i said have went against the bible.

Anyway, what is sacrifice to you ?

The Cost

Personally for me, i have learnt sacrifice firstly through sin. Putting to death my sin and devoting myself to God was sacrifice. Through the path of devoting myself, i found that it was seriously difficult. It required me to lay down my pride and say "I am Yours, work in me which ever way You want to"

It was not easy at first, but starting with sin, it lead to more devotion, my dreams.. my life, my family, my human relationships.

sin and dreams were 2 major segments of my life, sin was due to habit that made it so dear to me. dreams were my fuel, it pushed me to work hard, hoping to achieve it someday.

After i set myself out to surrender these 2 areas to God, the rest just seems to set in.

The cost were high, but it was worth it.

Position of the Heart

Where does your heart lies ? Before this whole crazy change occurred, my heart was definitely to know God more or to get closer to Him. I have no idea where my heart truely lies. I was then challenged by my lifegroup leader to desire for Him. after wanting to devote myself to God, I needed to work out my desire, do i truely desire to have Him in my life ?

It took me quite awhile to find that answer, at first i was hesitating, i knew what was to come, judgement of people, a massive load of obstacles to clear, and full of crap from the devil. I had to prepare myself. But when i decided to to give my heart to God, I knew it was the right choice.

Having my heart now set towards God's direction, I had to propel myself forward, being pushed by my lifegroup to grow, any further growth would have to be self motivated, after all, i cant depend on others forever right ?

Similar to breakthroughs in life, once again, this was not easy. Shifting back my focus, I had to overcome the temptation of not dwelling about my past. My past was constantly haunting me, telling me, that my past will drag me down, that my struggle will eventually be futile.

but .. never listen to the hauntings, never give up !

Press On

As much as I know that it is tough, press on ! Because changes are never easy to cope with. Personally, i have my life group, an accountability group / partner to communicate with, to encourage and push me forward . Nevertheless, do keep yourself totally immersed with God. Drown yourself with prayers and scriptures, I started out with covering myself, allowing God to work through me, time and again i get beaten down by the devil, but yet i encourage you to get up on your feet and carry on with the journey. A tough journey makes the ending sweeter right ? the sweet taste of the end will be awesome after you have pulled past the breakthrough :)

I Pour My Love on You - Philip, Craig and Dean

I don't know how to say exactly how I feel
And I can't begin to tell you what your love has meant
I'm lost for words
Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are
You're my dearest friend

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on you

CHORUS:
Like oil upon your feet
Like wine for you to drink
Life water from my heart
I pour my love on you
With praises like the perfume
I lavish mine on you
Till every drop is gone
I pour my love on you

Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are,
My dearest friend

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on you

This is an amazing song that i remembered out of a sudden, truly wonderful song that worships our God

Family ~

i just had a serious chit chat with my 7 years old brother.

sure enough he is just 7, but i assure you, our conversation was serious.

I find it difficult to understand things from my mother's perspective, really. as i converse with my brother, it seems that he is seeing things only from his small little world. I know that each time i confront my parents about it, they always say "kids are all the same". But is that really the case? I really hope for an understanding of what is going through my parent's mind, mostly my mum though.

from what i see, i dun see why every kid has to be the same. I tried, tried taking care of my brother's character. but each time my parents would butt in and tell me to stop. Fine, i thought at first that it was my method, so i changed my tactic.

i tried again, but once again my parents gave the same reply "you were once like that"

worst reply ever ! of all things, i really wish for my brother to not be like me, cause i really did not quite like my character back in my childish days.

On one hand, i need to take care of my brother, but on the other, i cant stand to see him with that stuck up attitude and not do anything about it. it goes against my principal. it just irritates me so much, to see something that goes against my belief and i cant do anything about it.

sure i could ignore what my parents say and carry on with my parental ways. but.. truth of the matter is that my focus is on my relationship with my mum. no matter what, i dun want it to be any worse than what it is now. seriously anger is an evil thing, should i let my mum know of my anger that is created due to how she takes care of my bro, all hell will break loose !

She's great in taking care of people's physical needs, but for others, i dun think so. day by day, it becomes a more integral part of me to view my mum as a childish person. and i hate that thought, it make it tougher for me to communicate with my mum. i detest this sort of thinking, but it has already become so natural.

i am pretty much at a lost now, back to square one where i am clueless as to what to do.

Hi all !!

have been quite some time since i last posted right?

anyway, i have been busy for the past couple of days, working at my dad's office as an admin assistant :D

not much to be done in the office though, cause i not pro enough , so i spend quite abit of time slacking around.

have been busy with brigade admin department and also for my brother's birthday :D

For those who did not know, tomorrow is Shunji's birthday ! wish him happy birthday ok ?? haha

also , just yesterday, i have gotten a classical guitar from my aunt. the guitar is old, approximately.. 10 years or older, seriously needs repairing :(

Anyone has an acoustic guitar to spare ??

if not.. then can anyone help me or teach me how to go about buying strings and restringing the strings of an classical guitar? i only managed to tune 4 out of the 6 strings though, but they seem to go out of tune easily.

tomorrow morning i will not be going to work, will be spending the day helping out for shun ji birthday :D

hope i have fun tomorrow night :)) looking forward to it

Oh ya, before i forget, just wanan let you know that my mum got a job at IMM, no idea what job it covers, but basically she is working part time, also as an admin. and for that... it means that there will not be any dinner at home for quite sometime unless my parents decide to have a maid which will signify that i will be chased out of my room :(

but.. i shall not be bothered by that for now, current thing that i should usher more concern into will be my brother, he is attending school in Keming, and attends afternoon lessons. and since my mum end work at 6, there will be times where she might work OT, thing is, it will be risky.

And for some reason, my mum dun trust me to take care of my brother.

but whatever the reason, i shall not be bothered and ... i shall leave it to my parents, i tried ok, i tried hard to patch up with my mum, but seriously, it seems like she is rejecting me every time !

for goodness sake ! it is not as though i am chasing a girl now, i only want forgiveness and understanding, but apparently, it seems that it is super difficult for both parties.

nvm then , shall just go with the flow, shall keep trying :D

Recently i have been catching on with several church members that u have yet to talk to for a year or 2. something that came to my attention is that.. as much as i would love to cherish friendships, the fact is that not everyone cherishes friendships.

No offense to people out there, but.. i realize through my conversations with them that.. most of them dun go bother contacting old friends.

Of course you must be thinking of some of your friends that you have kept contacted with for years even though you are separated. but think about this, how close are you to that friend exactly? most people find it easy to KIT with close friends, another big group just waits for friends to approach them to KIT. these 2 groups are pretty much of a turn off for me. is that not segregation ? it seems to me that people love to classify their friends.

friends that are worth KIT with, and friends that will still remain as friends even if i dun contact him/her.

think about it, all it takes is a simple phone call, text message or email to find out how the person is doing. It is just that simple !! But time and again i have been hearing people say how much they miss their old friends or how much they hope to have back the closeness that they used to share with another close friend.

I find such thoughts to be childish and immature. because both views are based on feelings.

If you set aside maybe 1 hour per week to meet up with a friend to simply just talk and catch up with each other, imagine how many people you are actually able to KIT with ! in a year there are 52 weeks, every week 1 person will equal to meeting up with 52 people simply to KIT !! ok.. lets say this particular person is just very very busy, then fine, set aside your own time.

the message i want to bring across is that human relationships should not be confined by feelings and distance. some say that because they went different schools, different job fields etc etc. that's why contact was lost.

some other reasons people provide is that.. they just simply felt like they have drifted apart. Oh please, wake up your idea !! It is nothing more than a feeling !!

I'll tell you that it has happened to me loads of times !! but time and again i have to logically rethink my position. Are we really drifting apart, or is it simply the lack of communication that have caused this feeling to be aroused? When 2 person are constantly in contact, it is easy to be close friends, but when the 2 person are not communicating often, is it still possible then to maintain that lvl of friendship ??

I would have to say yes to that. Personally i find that friendship is not all about communication, sure it is how you start to build up your friendship, but ultimately, if you want to really be good friends, you have got to genuinely care for the person !! no doubt i find it difficult to maintain close friendships at times, but ultimately, time spent tgt does not equate to a close friendship. If friendship between 2 person is really close and true, both parties will still bother to find out about each other's lives cause they care so much ! you may have lost contact after 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, it doesn't matter !!! if you genuinely care, you will seek out ways to find that person and contact that person !! Do the person think of you every now and then ?? Do you want to know what is happening in the life of the other person ??

My close friends are now ShunJi, Leong, DingMing, Deslen, Zhenke, Desmond, WanTing and Christine. I consider them to be my close friends. They all are, friends that i share victory in my life with, friends that i am able to ask for encouragement when life goes on the low. out of the 6 the first 6 are my closest buddies !! even so, leong is the only one that i have really poured out my heart to. i have yet to open up myself to the rest of them yet.

people say that close friends know everything about each other. True to a certain extent, because people change, over the course of time, things change, people experience different things. we are all different as well, the 6 guys are soccer enthusiast, while i am not. sure i love to play sports, but just not soccer. WanTing doesn't even like sport to begin with. Christine is in JC and studying with almost all of her time. similarities for me and the guys is that we bother meeting up to talk about our lives and catch up with each other. For WanTing and me is probably encouragement, we ask each other for encouragement and prayers when things seem bleak. As for Christine, we talk rubbish with each other. Thing is, i dun really contact them very often, once a week having a presentation of our lives is not often. But i really treasure friendships, though this are my closest friends, i dun just communicate with them. other friends like my fellow primers, juniors in brigade and church friends. i contact them every once in a while, through messages mainly just to find out how they are doing. at first it was not easy for me, cause i get the impression that if they receive a message from me out of the blue, they might find it weird and think i am up to something.

But it gets smoother along the way, though i dun communicate with them much, at least there are still things to talk about. 1 thing i learn about conversations is to be genuine and you gotta share about your own life first. have to set the tempo you know ? when i start a conversation, i usually go with the stereotype "hi" and carry it on with a brief summary of how my day or week has been and start asking about how their week was. throw in a couple of jokes along the way really helps to keep the conversation going.

Close friends always have things to talk about:

though i dun just contact my close friends all the time, i do have topics to talk about with my friends as well, talk about life, our future, think about our past... all sorts ! really, a conversation really helps to build bonds. it really does not matter how long you 2 have not communicated, but if you are genuine and find out about the other party's life, a conversation will grow out of it. also, do note that the more you communicate, the closer 2 person get, though not always true, but it is the norm. dun get affected by the norm, instead grow up and find out how much that person and the memories you 2 have shared mean to you. if it is precious, then please make some time in your schedule to actually maintain the friendship, too many friendships nowadays are being broken for no good reason.

lack of communication is not an excuse for not talking with your ex bestfriend. neither is "feeling drifted apart". make plans to keep your friends if they even mean something to you :D

I wanna play Final Fantasy IX again !!!!!! since playstation 1 is totally obsolete now, anyone knows how to get it on my desktop or on my mac ?? Would be a major blessing if you could help me with it !!!

Final Fantasy IX is one my favourite game of all time, in terms of storyline , i find it to be alot better as compared to the current day games that we have. For gameplay, it is quite typical and not much of a amazement there. But the applause should be given for the good graphics ! (Do take note that it was produced more than 10 years ago).

I really wish to play Final Fantasy XI again, the array of characters that can be played with, the storyline, gameplay. Are all really awesome stuff ! now i am considering if i should visit the game shop at the market to update my PSP games, haha. Should I ??

Oh yea, lastly, i have just recently updated my PSP theme, haha, changed it to a One Piece theme, and it looks great !! :D happy with the outlook of it :D

Questions:

Does anyone know how to get Final Fantasy IX on PC or Mac ?

What games should i get on my PSP ??

Hey !! recently i have been back here, with the simple reason that i remember that i actually have a blog, haha

Anyway, just want to ask for your opinion though i know that anyone reading this would definitely not reply, but ... i'm still gonna ask this question, just for kicks :P

Do you guys think i should start video blogs ? meaning, i will be talking to a camera each time i do a blog post. it might be entertaining for you all, but for me.. it will be retarded talking to the camera, hehes... but i guess it will be fun for me as well, hearing myself talk to myself -.- fun XD

i am still considering, so... let me know if you want to see my face :D i'll do a video blog then , hehe. but for now.. guess it will be pictures ??

Yay ! today was a great day !

ytd i met up with deslen for gym, then went to swim, hahas. shiok seh. but did not get much of a tan, maybe next session i tan longer?? hehes. for the swim, deslen encouraged me to learn frog style. then just try lor, haha, keep sinking down and tend to panic when i either sink down or when i come up for a breather. anyway, i only managed 3 strokes, hahas, 3 consecutive strokes(frog style) ytd ! XD

for today, i started my day with gym, went to NP gym with wesley, then lunch in NP canteen 2, hahas, long time no eat the chicken rice. but anyway, eat in NP abit sian leh :P prefer cai fan at rooftop, hehes after gym and lunch, went back home, showered, then went to bbss to collect the boys to lakeshore condo, haha. We have a new recruit !! His name is Joel, sec 2 kid who quit reading club to join us, totally awesome !

the food during the steamboat was just fabulous ! cheese tofu !!!! :D nice food. there was lots of leftovers though, pity the prawns, noone eat seh :(

after steamboat, went with the primers for soccer . had fun during soccer !! so shiok, long time since i've played soccer with them, had a fun time playing, really enjoyed myself :D

One Piece is heading to an all time high !! woots !! next few episodes will be super awesome !!! finally !! entire Strawhat crew receiving training from great masters !!

Monkey D. Luffy training on use of his Haki from Boa Hancock!

Roronoa Zoro receiving training from Mihawk!

Sanji receiving culinary training from Kamabakka Kingdom ! aka New Kama Land -.-

Nami training in intellect from Weatheria!

Chopper improving medical skills from Torino Kingdom!

Robin gets personally trained by Revolutionary Monkey D. Dragon !!

Franky becoming an awesome engineer at winter island !!

Anyway, to sum it up, i cant wait for new episodes for ONE PIECE !!!!! woots !!!!!!

sick !!!!!!!! fever... flu...

headache gone le...

hope i recover soon !!

tmr will be handing in baptism form. so long as you are reading this, you are invited to come !! hahas ! please do come, will be great if you appeared and showed your face :) i will be happy :)

Life Group Logos !! has had a very long delay now :)

Lord, i pray for this nation today Lord. i thank you, for the rules, laws and regulations, that have been blessed to this country at the national, community and at the individual level. As i look at the youths of today, i sense a lack of understanding. a lack of understanding of the future, of the consequences of their own actions. Youngsters filled with energy, misusing it, diverting themselves away from You. Bless me with wisdom Lord, to turn away from the sins that thug my heart. Bless this nation, with leadership. Let this nation be one that is filled with wisdom to understand. People on the streets, believers and non-believers alike. People are complaining, spreading negativity, abandoning their potential and future. People are affected and channeled by what the world says, by what their friends say. Lord i ask for individuality for the people of this nation. I pray that even as our Government leads this country. I ask for your hand to be upon them that they are able to direct the people correctly. Let the lack of understanding of things not be an obstacle, but instead, let it be an opportunity for your people to depend more on You. I thank You Lord for placing me here, right where i am, what i am doing. Though i have to admit that i am not living a righteous life, but I thank you for blessing me with overflowing desire for you. Use me Lord. Use me to be an impact to influence my circle of friends. Even as i walk through life daily, let me be molded by you. Let me be changed, be groomed, be a undeniable reflector for You. I pray that even as the change in Presidency occurs, I ask of you Lord that the president will continue to be a figurehead, let Singapore be a model for others that our Government is just and righteous. That we can be blessed by You, that we can be a nation that is young yet capable.

I thank You Lord for all You have blessed me with. Guide me through life as i continue to seek Your face. Mold me Lord.

ShunJi pocketing a ball !!
Had a great time of pool over the weekends !!

super tempting to take up DM's offer of playing pool tmr night. should i??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M-PSVGFb4I

Hahaha !!! back to update again !! haha!!

first picture is hello kitty in panda suit !! is for XinEr de !! :) hope you love it ! second is my panda at home lor, buy from china de hehes~

3rd picture is.. dunno when, after school i going home, then i see the sky super super nice, then took out my phone to snap ! hehes ~ then got the picture lor, nice sky right??

last picture.. self explanatory right? me, myself and i !

You are not my shadow, I am your shadow :)

Today sermon is about sexual relationships...

Anyway, keeping myself single is difficult for me.. I know that everyone finds it difficult due to the puberty stage that we are all going through..

For me.. i get jealous when i see people walking in pairs.. couples everywhere... people going to school together.. going home together... i constantly wish that i could have a christian friend that is able to accompany me as and when it is possible.. travel place to place together..

more than just accompany.. i sometimes also wish that i could have someone to hug for comfort. unlike females, it is considered normal for them to be hugging each other. but between males.. it is just weird. i am not talking about the hug then straight release sort of thing. i am talking about the very encouraging type of hugs.. hugs that last for a good 30 seconds at least... hugs that comfort.

being a typical 18 year old, i crave for a female companion. but based on current situations, i wun be having one.

somehow, i have developed a fear of church girls. talk too much with them, and stupid rumors arise. I hate it !! have been wishing for a female best friend for very long already. but i am not maintaining it.

Used to chat with WanTing and Christine de. WanTing can be considered to be one of my Best friends ba. that was really a period of time where i really really enjoyed. I dare to say that i have not developed any feelings for her, although every now and then (during that period of time) i did ask myself if i have fallen for her. but thinking back, i realise that i have not. It was purely just a close friendship. Simply just friends helping each other. Whats wrong with that?? anyway.. some problem arose some time later and we reduced our contact with each other drastically. that was 2 years ago.. communication ceased for a year, and it was only around the mid of last month that i started contacting her again. I wanna forge close friendships with females. I'll be truthful and admit that. but at the same time, i hate rumors. I am not that much afraid of falling in love, cause i learned from ShunJi that love is a decision, not a feeling. Really hope that i can restore the close friendship that i used to have with her.

Christine was another female friend of mine.. during sec 3 and sec 4 use to sms her alot, but the thing is.. that i hardly talk to her. in other words, we sms alot. but number of verbal words exchanged were probably less than 10. SMS with her can talk alot of rubbish, say alot of nonsense.. make fun each other.. I would have to say that it indeed felt comfortable communicating with her. but communication also stopped when she entered JC. Both of us too busy, i busy with project, she busy with school work. Now once in a while i will sms her.. but not very often though, i still dun exchange verbal words with her alot XD

Now is i spend quite abit of time with LifeGroup.. but somehow i still feel lonely at times.. i still find it hard to simply pick up my phone and contact them. Its seems so much easier if it is a female, but when it comes to LG, the difficulty somehow that rocketed sky high. I wonder if LG is able to make up or replace my desire to have a female companion.

Head hurts like crazy now, gonna go sleep lerh, pray for me !!

Make Believe

Alien named XXX comes to earth.

Alien tries communicating with humans.

Alien’s appearance scares people.

Alien gets rejected and ostracized by people.

Alien feels down and shuns away from the crowd.

Alien finds an island to reside at.

Island is deserted.

Island has nothing but trees.

Alien was good in sculpting.

Alien decides to do sculptures.

Alien makes use of trees for his sculptures.

Aliens form “human-like” objects to comfort himself.

Alien feels satisfied with result of sculpting.

Alien flashes back about being rejected by humans.

Alien feels lonely again and wishes for companions.

Alien decides to create his make believe “friends”.

Alien finds happiness in creating his own dream.

Alien feels happy living in his make believe world.

This is story 1. Previous Post is story 2. Please tell me which story you personally prefer.

Titles are "Make Believe" and "The Blind Angel"

Thanks to all Voters

The Blind Angel

Main Characters:

Tsuno, Sai, Alfy (Angel)

Character Profiles:

Tsuno

Soft Spoken Girl

Secretive

Shy

Alone most of the times

Very Caring

Best Friend Sai

Parents constantly busy and have no time for her

Aids Sai in finding back his lost memories

Have no siblings

8 Years old girl at start of story

15 years old at later part of story

Loves Teddy Bears

Sai

Playful

Joyful

Secretly in Love with Tsuno

Good in art

Dies in an unfortunate car accident

Pleads for God to give him a second chance in life.

Exchanges vision and memory in order to protect Tsuno

Caring Parents

Have no siblings

8 years old at start of story

Dies at age 9

Alfy (Angel)

Guardian Angel of Tsuno

Sai’s Reincarnate form

Have no eyes due to contract with God

Lost his Memory due to contract with God

Lives in Tsuno

Story Outline:

Tsuno, 8 years old, was playing at the playground alone with teddy bear in hand.

Sai, 8 years old, approaches Tsuno and attempts making friends with her.

Tsuno ignores Sai and continues playing with teddy bear.

Sai sits beside Tsuno and plays with sand beside Tsuno.

Everyday, Tsuno and Sai would meet at the playground after school.

Tsuno gradually opens up to Sai and starts talking to him after a month.

Sai founds out that he is Tsuno’s first friend.

Sai learns of Tsuno’s family background.

Christmas is drawing nearer; Sai plans to give Tsuno a present to cheer her up.

Sai drew up a drawing for Tsuno and plans to surprise for Christmas.

Sai got involved in a car accident while delivering the present to Tsuno.

Tsuno and Sai’s parents wept over Boy’s death.

Sai, being secretly in love with Tsuno, asks God for another chance to accompany Tsuno.

God grants Sai’s wish but with the condition that Boy gives away his eyes and memory.

God then grants Sai a second life as an angel of Tsuno.

Sai now becomes an Angel name Alfy.

Alfy appears to Tsuno 1 day when she was crying.

Tsuno was shocked as Alfy came out from her.

Alfy explained that he had lost his memory and that he requires her help in finding back his lost memories, as she was his container.

Tsuno reluctantly agrees to it.

Series of adventures takes place; Alfy gradually gains back his memories.

Lost memories are all gathered and Alfy reverts back to Sai and is able to see Tsuno one last time before returning to where he came from- Death.

**Wrote this story at 1am in the morning**

this story... is base on an experience that happen to me... it does not reflect the true occurrence of what happened, just an actual experience that i wanna bring forth, add a twist to it and the story above formed.

update update !!

recently got nothing much to update... everyday go schl, do work, draw draw etc. my days are relatively routine.

Anyway... from the previous few posts... got see my hand injured???

my hand.... haven recover fully yet :)

now cannot see the blue-black, but.. sometimes when i turn my wrist, still can feel the pain..

and and my right hand now cannot carry heavy things, cannot even support heavy objects.

dangerous to hold laptop with right hand.. cause scared laptop will drop. and my laptop 2kg only.

sometimes i wonder, what if 1 day i lose my right hand how? then cannot draw, cannot take photo, cannot sms etc etc.

Another thing is that i recently bought Nikon D5000, but haven buy lens yet. what i have now is basic lens and the camera body.

woud be great if someone could advice me on what type of lens to buy...

update !! this is my palm on day 3. maybe from the front view the picture not so clear that got swelling...

but from the back view can see right?? obvious blue-black :)

see the sketchbook and pencil in the background? hahas, i cant draw well for the first 2 days of the blue-black. only managed to tahan on 3rd day onwards :)

BB Room !! went parade on friday then open the door to see that one of the frames was lying face flat on the ground !! oh no!! then i go use broom sweep. but it turns out that the broom is not effective, cause some of the pieces all quite big, so i use hand to pick up. then thank God samuel found a box to contain the glass pieces, so can dump everything inside :))

Swelling !!! hahas, can see ma? that is my right palm, can see the massive blue-black on the right side of the palm?? if use fingers as a gauge... is from middle to pinkie... :)) swell for quite a few days lerh.

today is the 4th day i think?? :) anyway, thats what it looks like in day 1, will upload photos of the swelling..

Below is photo taken by Edward during Settlers :))

loads of drawings to be completed !! hope i can complete them on time. car model is on its way, waiting for the next tutorial before i can commence on the actual modelling. i have got... 20 drawings or so to complete? around there, add all the assignments up, and the total number of drawings left is around 20.

all the best for me :)

I am like air to you, always there for you but you never notice. Always available but you never appreciate.

Major difference, is that without air, you would die in 3 secs, without me, you could easily live another 30 years.

Maybe it just my assumptions, i assumed wrongly. but that's definitely the message i receive from the way you treated me

every year it happens, get close to a girl and 6 months later the friendship is broken, every single year. history just keeps repeating.

Sometimes i wished that i had cared less. if i ... didnt care so much about wanting to do things for you.

we would probably still be sms buddies. i have no idea why i wanted to see you so much. maybe i'm cursed, or probably destined to have such a life. i tried hard

i tried hard to be someones best friend, i tried hard simply so that i could be important in somebody else's life.i dunno why i have to lose at least 1 friend every year. i told so many people. but noone seems to understand.

my heart is heavy, i have no idea what to do

this year will be crucial. will bet everything in this year.

God bless me

Do or Die... make or break... this year determines all. if i lose another friendship this year. i'll cut all ties with females. i cant take it anymore.

another wonderful friendship gone.

i think i got the talent of destroying friendships.

I'll harden my heart jasmin, if it makes you happy.

not gonna disrupt your happiness no more

I'm giving up, I tried so hard to change things... i told you the truth, you cried, i hide my feelings, you are at least happy. guess it is better to not let you really know how i feel. no more laughter, no more cries. since they are all from me, and anything from me, are deemed as worthless to you.

it's alright, it is perfectly alright.

like i said, we'll nvr talk for the rest of our lives, since i dun matter to you.

God bless you

here to update again !!

erm... only recent updates are regarding BB Week. for BB Week, it has been so far so good, i've collected majority of the cards and money. But.... there are exceptions la, quite a few people lost their cards and have to make police report, apparently i have yet to receive any police reports yet.

so... yea, with the exception of around 10-15 people that have yet to submit their cards, the rest are pretty much confirmed.

In terms of operations... i think this year one was smoother? probably due to the plans or.. that i simply wanna avoid letting history repeat itself. There are still loads of improvements to be done though. the support i receive from people are good and bad. good cause... in terms of collection, i am able to find the support from fellow primers.

long time no post !!

anyway.. just wanna state down some plans i have for MY future... penning it down seems to make it easier to fulfill...

starting from short to long term plans..

the most short term one is to obtain driving license by the end of 2010.. i know i still young. and not many people get their drivers license at 18, but.. when i think about it.. i find that it is better to get it earlier..

next year is 3rd year in poly... most probably i'll be shut off from the world due to final year project or attachment. so.. dragging the license till next year will be unadvisable, cos i know myself, i'm not good at managing time. so i figured to get it now while i have the cash. besides, if dragged later, the prices will increase as well. so might as well get it over and done with right?

next up is more of my finances. currently i am trying to understand the language of stocks. why? cause they are a good investment. personally, i find that if i am able to understand the economy, it will be beneficial to me. i asked my dad, he started small but it is gradually increasing, bit by bit.

start up sum will most probably be from my army pay. if i am able to save up and not spend unnecessarily during my army years, i should be able to save a good 10k and above. well... hopefully... i am able to find my mrs right as well.. after ORD, i wanna concentrate on career...

chances is that job hopping will occur during the first few years, thus rushing into marriage is seriously tempting but... no, it will not be beneficial.. dun like the idea of getting my family to suffer with me... anyway, depending on which unit i am posted to i guess. gotta find out the average pay of NS people.. thus, after army, the saved up cash will most probably be saved up, either for investments in stocks or .. i'll probably save up more for a house. either or. Anyway, after army, i'll head either to uni or straight to work. lets say i enter into university, if it is local.. chances is that i will not be getting a part-time job. if it is overseas, then i doubt i have much of a choice. either way, i'm saving up my army savings. not gonna touch that unless its a sure die situation..

mmm.. anything to consider at this point? hmmm... no idea... but i really hope to have a stable girlfriend after i've busted out of army..

oh ya, for girlfriend... i'm looking for someone with time.. in other words, must be willing to spend loads of time with me la. guys talk about high expense girlfriends, girls must be talking about guys having too much expectations from their girl, just thinking. i'm a person that requires loads of company.. no doubt i am alone most of the time, but.. truth is that i do not enjoy that. another thing is that i want freedom !!

loads of FREEDOM !!!

in everything.. even in career...

for my career.. i dun wish for it to clutter up my life, like... everyday just work like a cow or something, i wanna have freedom, at least i still wanna have my own "me-time"

for family, i just wanna have privacy. like for my current family, i get my own room, that's enough for me. everyday to just return into my own nest, and telling myself "this is my life !!"

hate restrictions.. even when i am dating a girl.. i wanna have to freedom to express, to express my feelings, good or bad...

a major barrier for this day and age is the differences in ideology, parents are thinking WAY too much for their kids. the kids of today seem to have no brains or they act like robots. when they reach the teenage years, most people just break loose. they do things that they never would have thought themselves to do.

kids today should be given more freedom, cause this way, they mature faster as well....

currently i know that i have a plan for the future, good and bad.. i am prepared to face it all.. but the fear comes in not having a future... my desire now is for a female companion... at the same time i want back my freedom..... the freedom to walk on the streets ... the freedom to talk to her parents, the freedom to be able to contact her...

i seem to have deviated from the main topic of this post... back to topic !

back from where i left off.. i think i deviated when i talked about.. stocks? i think so.

You may be asking, i'm just a kiddo, age 18 this year. why on earth would i want to invest in stocks?

well.. thing is, i find that stocks, is the gateway to earning cash. no doubt i can slog out on the business world, but.... thing is, what i lost my job or something?

not trying to be negative, but.. with stocks, even with no jobs, the ability to invest and study the economy is valuable. if i am able to study the local economy, and probably move on to the global economy, not only am i able to earn through investments, but... i will be able to have a direction even if i lost my job. being able to understand the surroundings, i will know what type of jobs will be earning, which jobs do the economy favor and stuffs like that.

valuable i would say.

hmmm... anything else?? i yearn for.. financial stability. cause with proper finances.. i am guaranteed of having to worry less about spendings right? it provides more stability for tomorrow. in the long run, i wanna be having a main career, one that brings in the basic living expenses for me and my family. stocks will be .. like an extra commitment. like the side dish of a meal. helps make the main course taste better.

main focus for this year is to decide whether or not to be christian.. cause... being christian isn't just being christian, it is far more than that. being christian.. i can't have the freedom of communication with non-christian girls. i cant get too close to them and stuffs. at the same time, i dun talk to the girls at church at all. thats why i worry about my future. i worry that.. i will be single forever. i need a visible goal to work towards, having an illusion or just parts of the puzzle does not motivate me.

i need a picture of the puzzle to help motivate me to complete the puzzle..

i wanna give up all the God business.. its tiring. i dunno how long more i can sustain being hammered..

i wanna communicate with people.. both boys and girls.. but at the same time, i am an... attention seeker... i need the attention. when i speak with church guys, it is just face to face, so long as we are not physically together, it seems like i am living in my own world. even when i am with them.. truth is, i still feel separated. they all play soccer... i have to listen to them talk greek while i stare into blank space. i'm fine with that, but... its happening most of the time. guys require common topics to talk about.. its.. the male hormones i guess? always requiring a common topic to talk about.

as for females, they are different. females in general do not need a topic to talk for hours. they can be talking about absolutely nothing and still seem to enjoy themselves. the lack of common topic i guess is what attracts me to the females. church people are... hypocrites. really. they seem to lie all the time, its like their life is by itself a lie. there's not much truth, making it all a wonderful facade of smiles. i dun really like that

i chat with secular girls.. they are.. more .. open. christians in general like to act good and all. but truth is that you are not.

personally i think i have achieved truthfulness in terms of my life. if i have something to voice out, i will voice it out. maybe at a delayed timing, but i still voice out. Another thing is that i am preventing myself to lie. if something is wrong with me and you ask me about it. i will tell you if i wanna say. if not, i will just decline the offer to share and get on with life. most people are obviously not ok. but when you ask, they say that they are alright and that there's nothing wrong with them.

its considered a lie right?

a lie to me is not something that is fake. but it is something that is not true.

what do you think?

this post of messed up with issues flying all over the place. cause my head is in a mess, pressured by.. the dark issues of life.. cluttered with mess and such..

my apologies, but i seriously need to get my life right. i need an accountability personal XD

i am so screwed~

my heart and mind is kinda flustered right now, haven no idea where my focus is. couple of thoughts on my mind right now.

brigade, life, future, Dimple, church and much more, everything is just everywhere, there's no organization in my heart or mind.

Darrien !!! what on earth is wrong with you?? as Admin NCO, do you not want this post? the year is ending, you messedup the administratives and attendances, I have no idea what to do with you, i feel like giving you a piece of my mind, seriously. I wanna shout and scold you right in your face, you have no basic sense of courtesy and responsibility. If you need help, i told you that i can always help you, but NO!!! you never tell me anything. Attendance is not sent at all, every week, the only thing you do is send the CRO. furthermore, it was constantly sent on thursday. You are probably one of the worst person to work with. I detest your lack of ownership, You have caused the admin department to be held back in work, furthermore, the attendance is to be used for taking note of the boys CCA points, all because of you, the entire company of around 40 to 50 boys are all taking the shit from you. Is it fair? What on earth are you thinking? As much as i loved to, i would like to shout right at your face and even give you a bonus slap.

I dun care what the higher ups say or think, I give up on you Darrien, I am gonna remove you of responsibilities, you can sit aback and relax like what you have always been doing, no need care about attendance, i will take them, I will do everything again, you are simply dead weight for the company.

Not everyone has the time to spend half a day playing facebook !!

i have no idea wat is wrong with blogger, seriously, why is there a need to change email to blog?? screws up my previous blog ya know?

anw not gonna complain about blogger today

Certain things to let out of my chest today

Yesterday i was viewing some famous blogger's blog & i was also browsing through stomp.

If you were paying attention, recently there was this big hooha over this girl being molested at some party by 4 guys right??

I was reading stomp and they showed pictures and videos of how the girl was molested etc etc.

Wat tugged my heart was not that much of sympathy for the girl being molested, but it was more for the stupidity of the people that saw her molested. Everyone is so ... superficial ...

People on stomp were posting pictures and even videos of the girl being molested and they complained about it on stomp. Nothing wrong with that, following that is a huge horde of people complaining about the issue, about how the 4 guys molested her, how people nvr help her etc.

Its such an irony, people can take pictures, post the pictures online and inform the whole country about it, but... does it not occur to them that the time that they spent to take the pictures could actually be used to help the girl??

Weird isn't it?? You can spend 30 minutes snapping pictures of a girl being molested, bring the pictures home and start bitching about how the people around her did not help her out. Did it not daunt upon you that YOU are one of the surrounding people that COULD have helped her from being molested further??

Another thing to note is that for those that are sitting behind the computer screen scolding, cursing and swearing about the whole incident, why do you not spend your time more wisely?? Instead of hurling all those remarks at the already happened incident, would it not be better if you spent the time thinking of solutions to prevent that in future??

Ok, i guess even if solutions are being thought of, they would be rather common solutions. But even so, i think most of those complaining behind their computer screens are just big talkers. I will not use other people as examples, I will use myself !! For me, somehow everything becomes easier when it is behind the screen. When the same situation occurs in real life, it becomes harder to carry out the same chain of actions.

Think about it, does it apply to you ??

If you are a guy, what makes you want to be intimate with a girl??

What makes you want to touch them??

If you are a girl, do you have the desire to share your body with a male counterpart??

If you get molested at some random crowded party, how will you deal with it??

Next will be why i am damn pissed off in class today. I cannot understand why people love to gossip. I know i am kind of gossiping now and that i should not be doing this, but, i really need to let off some steam.

I will not state out the exact flow of events, if you know then its good for you, but if you do not, then forget it.

If you really have an issue with someone, why can't you just walk up to them and tell it to them in their face?? why is there a need to talk behind their back?? As much as i know, almost everyone i know talk behind people's back. Do you not find that to be hypocritical??

In front of you they appear to be smiling, to be your good friend, but behind your back they start to bitch about your actions, they start to rubbish about your everything.

I just get super pissed off with such characters. If you ain't gonna do anything about it, then why are you complaining?? besides, it is not like the dude did not ask for your opinion, time for discussions was provided. You agreed when the discussions was carried out. But why is it that when his back is turned you start speaking ill of him?? Did he even do anything to offend you??

Another issue will be why can't people be more discerning to those around them?? It was always like this. If you were that concerned about others and if you really harnessed a good character, why the hell would you still be selfish?? You said loved being alone, from what i see, that's bullshit, as a matter of fact it is nothing but a complete farce, You dreaded being alone and you know that. You try your very best to make friends, you act good in front of your friends, but I'm so sorry that i tore down that mask of yours, and unveiled your true character.

Are you(the one reading) also like that ?? Do you try to be someone that you are not?? Do you gossip about others behind their back?? Do you have the balls to talk to someone that you have an issue with face to face?? Do you preach what you say?? Are you willing to put yourself in the smelly shoes of others??