Today sermon is about sexual relationships...

Anyway, keeping myself single is difficult for me.. I know that everyone finds it difficult due to the puberty stage that we are all going through..

For me.. i get jealous when i see people walking in pairs.. couples everywhere... people going to school together.. going home together... i constantly wish that i could have a christian friend that is able to accompany me as and when it is possible.. travel place to place together..

more than just accompany.. i sometimes also wish that i could have someone to hug for comfort. unlike females, it is considered normal for them to be hugging each other. but between males.. it is just weird. i am not talking about the hug then straight release sort of thing. i am talking about the very encouraging type of hugs.. hugs that last for a good 30 seconds at least... hugs that comfort.

being a typical 18 year old, i crave for a female companion. but based on current situations, i wun be having one.

somehow, i have developed a fear of church girls. talk too much with them, and stupid rumors arise. I hate it !! have been wishing for a female best friend for very long already. but i am not maintaining it.

Used to chat with WanTing and Christine de. WanTing can be considered to be one of my Best friends ba. that was really a period of time where i really really enjoyed. I dare to say that i have not developed any feelings for her, although every now and then (during that period of time) i did ask myself if i have fallen for her. but thinking back, i realise that i have not. It was purely just a close friendship. Simply just friends helping each other. Whats wrong with that?? anyway.. some problem arose some time later and we reduced our contact with each other drastically. that was 2 years ago.. communication ceased for a year, and it was only around the mid of last month that i started contacting her again. I wanna forge close friendships with females. I'll be truthful and admit that. but at the same time, i hate rumors. I am not that much afraid of falling in love, cause i learned from ShunJi that love is a decision, not a feeling. Really hope that i can restore the close friendship that i used to have with her.

Christine was another female friend of mine.. during sec 3 and sec 4 use to sms her alot, but the thing is.. that i hardly talk to her. in other words, we sms alot. but number of verbal words exchanged were probably less than 10. SMS with her can talk alot of rubbish, say alot of nonsense.. make fun each other.. I would have to say that it indeed felt comfortable communicating with her. but communication also stopped when she entered JC. Both of us too busy, i busy with project, she busy with school work. Now once in a while i will sms her.. but not very often though, i still dun exchange verbal words with her alot XD

Now is i spend quite abit of time with LifeGroup.. but somehow i still feel lonely at times.. i still find it hard to simply pick up my phone and contact them. Its seems so much easier if it is a female, but when it comes to LG, the difficulty somehow that rocketed sky high. I wonder if LG is able to make up or replace my desire to have a female companion.

Head hurts like crazy now, gonna go sleep lerh, pray for me !!